i'm in the mood for story time, so here you go.
From about age 12 to age 18, I was one of those people that others rarely actually wanted to spend time around. not because i was particularly weird, (i was, but that didn't seem to be their reason...) or because i was rude, or anything like that at all.
for the longest time, i couldn't figure out what the problem was, and i let it kind of eat at me. of course i acted like it didn't bother me at all that i didn't really have friends, per se, i more had acquaintances at school. people who were fine spending time with me when i was there, and when there were school related activities, but who wouldn't dare be seen out in public with me outside of that school-related realm. i acted like it was completely fine, but it definitely bothered me.
and it bothered me up until about a week ago. and then i was at work, and i made a realization.
i used to take myself too seriously.
there, i said it. i did. that was the difference between me, and pretty much everyone else that i knew from the start of high school to graduation. and not only did i take myself too seriously, i took everything too seriously! not to say that it's bad to sometimes be serious about things, like getting a job, or starting a business - its definitely okay to be serious about those things. the problem comes in when you are serious about everything, to the point that you become dramatic.
i was definitely to that point.
because i took things so seriously, if something went wrong it was a serious matter instead of being something that i could a) laugh off, or b) easily remedy and go on with life. i mean, if i were to go back in time as the person that i am now, i wouldn't want to spend time with me either! i would probably want nothing to do with myself.
i have a particular co-worker to credit with this realization, but she will likely never read this. but if she does, she will know who she is.
since high school, i have learned that nothing is that big, including myself. maybe nuclear war-fare. you can't joke about that... its some serious stuff... but anyway - nothing is so big that you can't go forward. you can argue with me all you want, but that is what i have come to realize. if you take yourself so seriously that you can't function as a human being who makes mistakes and learns from them in a productive way then you should probably take a step back and think about whether you would like to continue the way that you're headed now. you may not notice it, but there are probably things going on around you because of your behavior that you don't want to continue.
so if my new puppy pees on the floor, i clean it up. that's the end of it. if i'm late to work because i was writing a blog post, i'll apologize and make sure i'm on time the next day - but i'm done with all of the dwelling, and the oh-so-serious nature of life getting me bogged down in piles and piles and piles of feelings and reactions and stresses that really don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.
i will, of course, sometimes catch myself in those thoughts, thinking those stressful things, but then i remember that it will all be okay, if i just take a freaking chill pill and figure out the most reasonable solution.
i think the most important part of this is that when i learned that the fate of the universe did NOT, in fact, rest on my shoulders (shocking, right?) i learned that i can actually be funny. i have a sense of humor! who knew...
the end.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Friday, September 5, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
just a little learning
You want to know what I used to hate? I used to hate when people would tell me that parts of their college experience grew them as a person.
I didn't really know why I disliked it - it was more like the simple fact that a lot of the people who told me those things I knew for a fact spent a good deal of their time in college partying, and I didn't want to accept that their behaviors may, or may not have actually grown them as a person.
Well anyway, I just had this really weird moment where I realized, I've grown a lot as a person. I don't know whether that is something that people regularly actively think about, but I've been working on a project with Justin that I will soon be sharing here, and it's definitely taught me a lot about my own nature.
I like to control things. That's something I have to work to not let get in my way, and every one else's. Sometimes, the most beautiful things happen when you let go of that control and just let stuff happen.
The interaction that I got all of this from is a lot less profound than the explanation I just gave, but it's true. Sometimes you just have to let things go, and see what happens. Maybe you'll be surprised. I was.
I didn't really know why I disliked it - it was more like the simple fact that a lot of the people who told me those things I knew for a fact spent a good deal of their time in college partying, and I didn't want to accept that their behaviors may, or may not have actually grown them as a person.
Well anyway, I just had this really weird moment where I realized, I've grown a lot as a person. I don't know whether that is something that people regularly actively think about, but I've been working on a project with Justin that I will soon be sharing here, and it's definitely taught me a lot about my own nature.
I like to control things. That's something I have to work to not let get in my way, and every one else's. Sometimes, the most beautiful things happen when you let go of that control and just let stuff happen.
The interaction that I got all of this from is a lot less profound than the explanation I just gave, but it's true. Sometimes you just have to let things go, and see what happens. Maybe you'll be surprised. I was.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
dear Hollister models - you owe me dinner.
I was working yesterday at the mall, and I noticed something.
It was something that I had seen a great number of times, but this time it really bothered me.
I was looking out towards the escalator, and I saw this young girl - she couldn't have been older than maybe five, coming down the escalator holding a woman's hand. She looked really excited, with her brown ponytail bobbing up and down as she talked with the woman I'm going to assume was her mother.
She was in white capri pants and had on a blue and black plaid shirt that was tied up in the front so that you could see just a little of her blue undershirt, and you could see from a distance just a hint of sparkling lipgloss on her smiling lips.
This girl was holding a Hollister accessory bag. The bag had on one side a nearly naked, rather muscular twenty something man, and on the other, a quite seductive (also scantily clad) woman of around the same age. the only reason you could tell the man was wearing anything at all was because you could see the top maaaybe an inch of what I'm assuming were jeans. The woman was wearing a chiffon shirt, with one button done, and a bandeau. For those of you who don't know, a bandeau is basically the socially acceptable way to wear your bra in public as the main covering for the upper portion of your body and still maintain some level of social acceptance. She wasn't even in one of their beach pictures, so I don't know what they were really going for there.
The bag probably held some headbands or maybe a bracelet that she had seen walking through the store with her mother, and just couldn't live without.
Like I said, I see that kind of thing every day, and normally I just thing "awww she's so cute" and that's the end of that. But when I saw this girl and the bag she was holding, I was really disgusted.
I mean REALLY disgusted.
Not because of her appearance, but because that bag was in her hands.
I don't have anything against Hollister, or that girl's mother, but if I were the mother of a five-year-old girl, I certainly wouldn't want my child to be exposed to that kind of sexual message at that age. That kind of a message about what people should look like. That kind of message about how to behave.
When I was younger, I LONGED to look like the women in Victoria's Secret ads, and Hollister ads, and Abercrombie Ads.
I really did. Maybe that says something about my self-esteem, or my self-confidence, but regardless I thought I was falling short of the standard that I felt I had no choice but to meet. They were everywhere - my friends wore their clothes (things we couldn't really afford at the time, though I didn't understand that) and if I didn't fit into their size "00" box, I wasn't good enough.
And I have never, ever fit into that. In all likelihood, I never will. I'm not overweight, but I'm not a Hollister model either. I'm all okay with that now, but if I were the mother of a five-year-old girl, I would be doing everything in my power to make sure that she didn't feel the need to conform to that standard like I did. Because it SHOULDN'T be the standard. In my humble opinion, there shouldn't be a standard in the first place - maybe healthy should be the standard - but I don't know, and that's not the point.
The point is, I saw a five-year-old girl - an innocent person - holding images of our hyper-sexualized culture, and it made me sick.
It makes me sick that the only way you can avoid seeing images of random, nearly naked people is by never going into public spaces. Which is really, really hard. (And also a lot less fun.)
The worst part for me is that there are some of these pictures that are leaving VERY little to the imagination - one more inch in any direction but up and we're seeing things we never intended to see, and all we wanted was lunch in the food court!
Maybe it's just me, but if my intention were to see that much of a man, he would be buying me dinner first.
Probably multiple times.
It was something that I had seen a great number of times, but this time it really bothered me.
I was looking out towards the escalator, and I saw this young girl - she couldn't have been older than maybe five, coming down the escalator holding a woman's hand. She looked really excited, with her brown ponytail bobbing up and down as she talked with the woman I'm going to assume was her mother.
She was in white capri pants and had on a blue and black plaid shirt that was tied up in the front so that you could see just a little of her blue undershirt, and you could see from a distance just a hint of sparkling lipgloss on her smiling lips.
This girl was holding a Hollister accessory bag. The bag had on one side a nearly naked, rather muscular twenty something man, and on the other, a quite seductive (also scantily clad) woman of around the same age. the only reason you could tell the man was wearing anything at all was because you could see the top maaaybe an inch of what I'm assuming were jeans. The woman was wearing a chiffon shirt, with one button done, and a bandeau. For those of you who don't know, a bandeau is basically the socially acceptable way to wear your bra in public as the main covering for the upper portion of your body and still maintain some level of social acceptance. She wasn't even in one of their beach pictures, so I don't know what they were really going for there.
The bag probably held some headbands or maybe a bracelet that she had seen walking through the store with her mother, and just couldn't live without.
Like I said, I see that kind of thing every day, and normally I just thing "awww she's so cute" and that's the end of that. But when I saw this girl and the bag she was holding, I was really disgusted.
I mean REALLY disgusted.
Not because of her appearance, but because that bag was in her hands.
I don't have anything against Hollister, or that girl's mother, but if I were the mother of a five-year-old girl, I certainly wouldn't want my child to be exposed to that kind of sexual message at that age. That kind of a message about what people should look like. That kind of message about how to behave.
When I was younger, I LONGED to look like the women in Victoria's Secret ads, and Hollister ads, and Abercrombie Ads.
I really did. Maybe that says something about my self-esteem, or my self-confidence, but regardless I thought I was falling short of the standard that I felt I had no choice but to meet. They were everywhere - my friends wore their clothes (things we couldn't really afford at the time, though I didn't understand that) and if I didn't fit into their size "00" box, I wasn't good enough.
And I have never, ever fit into that. In all likelihood, I never will. I'm not overweight, but I'm not a Hollister model either. I'm all okay with that now, but if I were the mother of a five-year-old girl, I would be doing everything in my power to make sure that she didn't feel the need to conform to that standard like I did. Because it SHOULDN'T be the standard. In my humble opinion, there shouldn't be a standard in the first place - maybe healthy should be the standard - but I don't know, and that's not the point.
The point is, I saw a five-year-old girl - an innocent person - holding images of our hyper-sexualized culture, and it made me sick.
It makes me sick that the only way you can avoid seeing images of random, nearly naked people is by never going into public spaces. Which is really, really hard. (And also a lot less fun.)
The worst part for me is that there are some of these pictures that are leaving VERY little to the imagination - one more inch in any direction but up and we're seeing things we never intended to see, and all we wanted was lunch in the food court!
Maybe it's just me, but if my intention were to see that much of a man, he would be buying me dinner first.
Probably multiple times.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
i'm a fish, and we don't climb trees.
"If you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
I won't get in to whether or not I actually believe that this is something Einstein said, because I don't care. What I care about is that it's true. I don't mean that in the way that most people mean that though. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being unique and not judging books by their covers and accepting people for who they are and all that jazz, but that's just not specifically what I get out of this quote, so here's your context.
I sometimes complain. Sometimes I'm a really awful person to be around - shocking, I know. But everyone complains sometimes, because everyone has their own burden to carry. Some people are in debt, some people are in a rough relationship - it just so happens that I have a chronic pain disorder. Yay me. That's not the point though. The issue is, just because my complaining about my chronic pain is a different subject than you complaining about not being able to figure out what kind of car you want to buy when you get your tax return does NOT mean that you should lecture me about my kind of complaining because somehow mine is more annoying than yours.
News flash.
My complaining is more annoying to you than your complaining is to you because mine has nothing to do with your life. You could likely listen to yourself complain about your car purchasing troubles just as long as I could listen to myself complain about my dislocated ribs, because our own lives are far more interesting to us than the lives of those around us. I'm definitely not saying that's how things should be, it's just the reality.
Everyone complains - if you don't I seriously envy your ability to let things roll off your shoulders. Really. Pass some of that patience over here. I could use it. But I'm willing to bet that you do complain, because every once and a while, everyone needs to let things out. Stuff builds up in a person and either you let that sit and fester and turn into something much bigger than it is, or you let those little things out when they happen and it makes us all a little easier to deal with in the end. At least that's my judgement of the whole thing, I could be wrong. It happens.
But the point is, it will do no one in the situation any good to listen to (or give, for that matter) a lecture about how certain people (namely myself) just need to accept that "life is just the way it is" sometimes, and that you just need to "let things happen the way they happen. Pain happens, and you move on," obviously I just need to "Get over it."
Pain happens?? It just gives me the urge to yell "Run Forest RUN" when people give me that cliché response. It's not just that generally the people saying it have no idea what I'm actually going through, it's mostly that I'm normally expecting a completely different response. When we complain (especially if the "we" here is referring to women) we generally don't want you to fix it. We don't want advice. We want you to say "Well that sucks... I'm sorry." and have that be the end of it. No one asked for a lecture.
And maybe you didn't ask to hear me talk about how my knees are really killing me because the weather doesn't understand how to calm down, but you know what? I don't care what car you're getting when you get your tax return either. Do you hear me telling you about all the other, more useful things you could be doing with that money? Preaching to you about how many needy kids could be fed with that money? Nope. You don't. Am I thinking about telling you all of those things? Yup. But because that's not what you want to hear, I keep my mouth shut, and make up an imaginary scenario that is close to but not exactly what our actual conversation was about, so that I can put it on the internet and make myself feel a little better. (Hence perpetuating the cycle of complaints...)
If maybe we could all just judge the fish by their ability to swim and the birds by their ability to fly, then we would all be a little better off. Maybe we should stop holding ourselves to a lower standard than we hold those around us. Don't you think it might be a little bit easier for all of us if we gave people the benefit of the doubt? If we let people complain every once and a while? Loosened up? Said "Man, that sucks... I'm sorry," and just let people do what they need to do, even if it's a little bit annoying for all of about two minutes of your time? Can't you maybe, just maybe, give two minutes to help someone else feel just a little bit better about something they're going through? I'll try to do it for you too - promise.
I'm a fish. I can't climb trees. I'm okay with that.
I'm not asking you to be okay with it, I'm just asking you to respect that my swimming is just as relevant a mode of transportation as your climbing. Different does not equal lesser.
Plus I'd probably dislocate something if I tried to climb trees anyway.
I won't get in to whether or not I actually believe that this is something Einstein said, because I don't care. What I care about is that it's true. I don't mean that in the way that most people mean that though. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being unique and not judging books by their covers and accepting people for who they are and all that jazz, but that's just not specifically what I get out of this quote, so here's your context.
I sometimes complain. Sometimes I'm a really awful person to be around - shocking, I know. But everyone complains sometimes, because everyone has their own burden to carry. Some people are in debt, some people are in a rough relationship - it just so happens that I have a chronic pain disorder. Yay me. That's not the point though. The issue is, just because my complaining about my chronic pain is a different subject than you complaining about not being able to figure out what kind of car you want to buy when you get your tax return does NOT mean that you should lecture me about my kind of complaining because somehow mine is more annoying than yours.
News flash.
My complaining is more annoying to you than your complaining is to you because mine has nothing to do with your life. You could likely listen to yourself complain about your car purchasing troubles just as long as I could listen to myself complain about my dislocated ribs, because our own lives are far more interesting to us than the lives of those around us. I'm definitely not saying that's how things should be, it's just the reality.
Everyone complains - if you don't I seriously envy your ability to let things roll off your shoulders. Really. Pass some of that patience over here. I could use it. But I'm willing to bet that you do complain, because every once and a while, everyone needs to let things out. Stuff builds up in a person and either you let that sit and fester and turn into something much bigger than it is, or you let those little things out when they happen and it makes us all a little easier to deal with in the end. At least that's my judgement of the whole thing, I could be wrong. It happens.
But the point is, it will do no one in the situation any good to listen to (or give, for that matter) a lecture about how certain people (namely myself) just need to accept that "life is just the way it is" sometimes, and that you just need to "let things happen the way they happen. Pain happens, and you move on," obviously I just need to "Get over it."
Pain happens?? It just gives me the urge to yell "Run Forest RUN" when people give me that cliché response. It's not just that generally the people saying it have no idea what I'm actually going through, it's mostly that I'm normally expecting a completely different response. When we complain (especially if the "we" here is referring to women) we generally don't want you to fix it. We don't want advice. We want you to say "Well that sucks... I'm sorry." and have that be the end of it. No one asked for a lecture.
And maybe you didn't ask to hear me talk about how my knees are really killing me because the weather doesn't understand how to calm down, but you know what? I don't care what car you're getting when you get your tax return either. Do you hear me telling you about all the other, more useful things you could be doing with that money? Preaching to you about how many needy kids could be fed with that money? Nope. You don't. Am I thinking about telling you all of those things? Yup. But because that's not what you want to hear, I keep my mouth shut, and make up an imaginary scenario that is close to but not exactly what our actual conversation was about, so that I can put it on the internet and make myself feel a little better. (Hence perpetuating the cycle of complaints...)
If maybe we could all just judge the fish by their ability to swim and the birds by their ability to fly, then we would all be a little better off. Maybe we should stop holding ourselves to a lower standard than we hold those around us. Don't you think it might be a little bit easier for all of us if we gave people the benefit of the doubt? If we let people complain every once and a while? Loosened up? Said "Man, that sucks... I'm sorry," and just let people do what they need to do, even if it's a little bit annoying for all of about two minutes of your time? Can't you maybe, just maybe, give two minutes to help someone else feel just a little bit better about something they're going through? I'll try to do it for you too - promise.
I'm a fish. I can't climb trees. I'm okay with that.
I'm not asking you to be okay with it, I'm just asking you to respect that my swimming is just as relevant a mode of transportation as your climbing. Different does not equal lesser.
Plus I'd probably dislocate something if I tried to climb trees anyway.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
senior pics and the failure of an architect...
Hello internet. :) I have a few video posts that I'm working on getting up here from several days ago... I just don't know if I like a vlog format or not yet. Anyway.
I figured since I did some more senior pics of myself I would go ahead and post them because they're really fun.
This one is my favorite in this batch... I think I'm going to do another set before I get them printed.
They turned out really well I think.
In other news, I got my ring splints, and my new wheelchair. I love both things. :) My ring splints are amazing, because they really help with everything... The chair is wonderful because its compact, and light, and it makes my life a whole lot easier. :)
The unfortunate thing is when I use it at school, some of the time I don't even really need it. The reason that I use it so much is preventative. Sometimes at my school the people in the halls can be really rude, and by that I mean they will run into you for no good reason and push you down and then you fall backwards spin around and land on your kneecap, dislocating it. Not that something like that happened to me... freshman year... I'm not bitter.
But yeah. So some of my wheel-y chair use is really because I would much rather not be run into and dislocate things. Its just easier, unless I'm trying to get back from the Manchester building. You see, some designer a long time ago decided it was a really good idea to put a second building on my school, and not attach it to the main campus. The second building is called the Manchester building, and there is a road, a parking lot, and an onning that separate it from the actual school. It takes about 1/4 of a mile to get there walking. The problem herein lies that the someone who decided it was a good idea to put a California style school in the Midwest forgot that it snows. A lot. And there are kids in wheelchairs that will eventually have to wheel themselves through the snow. So yeah. This is NOT my happy face right now... And just you wait. It gets worse!!
You know how there are laws that govern things like how steep wheelchair ramps are supposed to be? Well there are. And those regulations say that wheelchair ramps in Ohio should be a 1 inch rise to 12 inch run ratio. Which is about barely sloped. So at my school there is this ramp, and its pretty much the steepest ramp I've ever seen that wasn't in a skating park, and it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to roll yourself up the damn thing. You end up getting stuck, and then you realize that you can't go up any further without tearing the skin off of your hands, and then at that point, you realize that you can't really move because if you do you'll tip backwards... Its a very delicate balance and no matter how you do it none of the methods end in being at the top of the ramp in the hallway that everyone has to go down to get ANYWHERE in the school. Can you tell I'm more than a little bit miffed by this predicament that I've been in multiple times? Every day I have to wait for some kind soul to walk out of the adjacent bathrooms and hope that whoever it is is having a really generous day, and that they can take three minutes out of it to push my chair. Anyway...
Gabrielle
I figured since I did some more senior pics of myself I would go ahead and post them because they're really fun.
This one is my favorite in this batch... I think I'm going to do another set before I get them printed.
They turned out really well I think.
In other news, I got my ring splints, and my new wheelchair. I love both things. :) My ring splints are amazing, because they really help with everything... The chair is wonderful because its compact, and light, and it makes my life a whole lot easier. :)
The unfortunate thing is when I use it at school, some of the time I don't even really need it. The reason that I use it so much is preventative. Sometimes at my school the people in the halls can be really rude, and by that I mean they will run into you for no good reason and push you down and then you fall backwards spin around and land on your kneecap, dislocating it. Not that something like that happened to me... freshman year... I'm not bitter.
But yeah. So some of my wheel-y chair use is really because I would much rather not be run into and dislocate things. Its just easier, unless I'm trying to get back from the Manchester building. You see, some designer a long time ago decided it was a really good idea to put a second building on my school, and not attach it to the main campus. The second building is called the Manchester building, and there is a road, a parking lot, and an onning that separate it from the actual school. It takes about 1/4 of a mile to get there walking. The problem herein lies that the someone who decided it was a good idea to put a California style school in the Midwest forgot that it snows. A lot. And there are kids in wheelchairs that will eventually have to wheel themselves through the snow. So yeah. This is NOT my happy face right now... And just you wait. It gets worse!!
You know how there are laws that govern things like how steep wheelchair ramps are supposed to be? Well there are. And those regulations say that wheelchair ramps in Ohio should be a 1 inch rise to 12 inch run ratio. Which is about barely sloped. So at my school there is this ramp, and its pretty much the steepest ramp I've ever seen that wasn't in a skating park, and it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to roll yourself up the damn thing. You end up getting stuck, and then you realize that you can't go up any further without tearing the skin off of your hands, and then at that point, you realize that you can't really move because if you do you'll tip backwards... Its a very delicate balance and no matter how you do it none of the methods end in being at the top of the ramp in the hallway that everyone has to go down to get ANYWHERE in the school. Can you tell I'm more than a little bit miffed by this predicament that I've been in multiple times? Every day I have to wait for some kind soul to walk out of the adjacent bathrooms and hope that whoever it is is having a really generous day, and that they can take three minutes out of it to push my chair. Anyway...
Gabrielle
Sunday, April 8, 2012
work and a happy easter
Well, for starters yesterday I covered my co-worker's butt and worked 7 hours on my feet facepainting. It was totally exhausting, and my boss was lucky that I even got up in time... Ugh. I was though, proud of myself at the end of the day. I always like that feeling as the EDS exhaustion takes over.
That meant that this morning, Easter, I was beyond sore even though I've been having a really good stretch of days. What this all means is this is going to be a really short post because I have to go to sleep early tonight that way I can get enough sleep before tomorrow... I have to start re-setting my brain for school on Tuesday.
But I will put a picture on here for good measure...
This is my favorite puppy Harper - He's all grown up now, but he's still my little buddy!!
Happy Easter everybody who reads this!!
caesura
That meant that this morning, Easter, I was beyond sore even though I've been having a really good stretch of days. What this all means is this is going to be a really short post because I have to go to sleep early tonight that way I can get enough sleep before tomorrow... I have to start re-setting my brain for school on Tuesday.
But I will put a picture on here for good measure...
This is my favorite puppy Harper - He's all grown up now, but he's still my little buddy!!
Happy Easter everybody who reads this!!
caesura
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
terrible?
You know that feeling you get when things go terribly wrong? And by that, I mean things that you planned. Intentionally. You planned them intentionally with the presupposition that they would go right and nothing would interfere. The feeling like you... like you swallowed acid and your body can't decide whether to throw up or to cry because it hurts. That's what I feel like right now, and thats why it sucks to be a teenager.
Aside from feeling like the sky is falling, I realized today that maybe Naproxen is more useful in the pain department than I thought, specifically because I missed my dose this morning and by about 7 p.m. I was in acutely annoying pain. And by acutely annoying, I mean horrendous. I started using my canes, (which are awesome.) and I couldn't get up off of the floor and everything just got really ugly. So in all honesty maybe the Naproxen is doing something for the pain, its just not doing half enough for me to not be in pain. The thing is though, I didn't have the highest tolerance for pain when this mess started, and it hasn't really gotten better with time. So maybe I was just having a really bad day. I did a lot of walking, more than normal. We went to Staples and then to Wal-Mart, so I was out and about (with my canes). Ugh.
caesura
Aside from feeling like the sky is falling, I realized today that maybe Naproxen is more useful in the pain department than I thought, specifically because I missed my dose this morning and by about 7 p.m. I was in acutely annoying pain. And by acutely annoying, I mean horrendous. I started using my canes, (which are awesome.) and I couldn't get up off of the floor and everything just got really ugly. So in all honesty maybe the Naproxen is doing something for the pain, its just not doing half enough for me to not be in pain. The thing is though, I didn't have the highest tolerance for pain when this mess started, and it hasn't really gotten better with time. So maybe I was just having a really bad day. I did a lot of walking, more than normal. We went to Staples and then to Wal-Mart, so I was out and about (with my canes). Ugh.
caesura
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
farms and forests and fights - oh my!!
I got that batch of pictures done from the farm that I was talking about. We went back into the woods on their property to take pictures. These are only a few, I didn't want to bore you with the whole set. :) Some of these I don't like as much as others, but I thought they were all worth sharing.
So... aside from editing these and gong for a walk for the first time in months, I had a really terrible day. But now its bedtime for cripples so I have to go to sleep. I'll tell you aaaaalllllll about my terrible day in the morning. I'm sure you're all thrilled to read about it. :)
Seriously though, it was pretty bad. Just sayin'. You should be on the edge of your seat waiting... the suspense should be killing you... Okay I can't stand it. Bedtime can wait.
Andrew and I had a fight. Yeah. I know. Imagine that, teenagers in a relationship fighting. Being honest, we didn't used to fight, but we do now, and everything kind of, well... hit the fan if you know what I mean. We were having a really great day and then promises got brought up and everyone got really tense so everything was misunderstood and it just got really ugly really fast. We both regret it, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And there were even some not-so-super-nice words exchanged. Yeah. Crazy right? I know.
Anyway, there's why my day went to you-know-what after about four o'clock.
Ugh.
I feel better. Goodnight!!
caesura
This is my favorite tree...
As you can see, I played with the light, and sun spots a lot in this batch... I like the sun a lot, it adds dimension to artsy pictures. :)and in case you were wondering, yes, Andrew is holding a machete in this picture.
I have this thing with lamp-posts the way I have a thing with doors - They're ALL SO DIFFERENT. So... I guess I have a thing for taking pictures of things that are diverse? Maybe? I shouldn't think this hard this late at night...
This one didn't look right in color. :) It was too confused in color, and now its calmer. Sometimes things are really just black and white.
Andrew thought this was a great picture, and I agreed with him. There's this place back in the woods at their place that has a really old trash pile. Its so old, that the things you find there aren't plastic trash its all glass. Everything is a glass bottle, jar, or a metal bottle cap. He took a bunch of the jars and scattered them here.
The cutest little pink flowers are by the path... just thought I'd point that out...
These last two are my favorite so I made them huge that way you get their full effect. They're so cool they need no explanatory captions. :)
So... aside from editing these and gong for a walk for the first time in months, I had a really terrible day. But now its bedtime for cripples so I have to go to sleep. I'll tell you aaaaalllllll about my terrible day in the morning. I'm sure you're all thrilled to read about it. :)
Seriously though, it was pretty bad. Just sayin'. You should be on the edge of your seat waiting... the suspense should be killing you... Okay I can't stand it. Bedtime can wait.
Andrew and I had a fight. Yeah. I know. Imagine that, teenagers in a relationship fighting. Being honest, we didn't used to fight, but we do now, and everything kind of, well... hit the fan if you know what I mean. We were having a really great day and then promises got brought up and everyone got really tense so everything was misunderstood and it just got really ugly really fast. We both regret it, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And there were even some not-so-super-nice words exchanged. Yeah. Crazy right? I know.
Anyway, there's why my day went to you-know-what after about four o'clock.
Ugh.
I feel better. Goodnight!!
caesura
Monday, April 2, 2012
pictures of life
Just so that everyone knows, there was NOT a storm here last night, it totally missed my town, which meant that I got very little sleep. Aside from that, I felt the need to redeem myself after that not-so-flattering picture I posted last night, so here are some pictures of me/my life/my family that are much more post-worthy.
My sister rides horses, and this is a mini-horse's nose! :) Its name is Piper.
This is my mom and one of her dogs, Harper. He's my buddy. The other dogs don't like me much.
This is my sister wearing a cup on her head... I don't know why. I just like the picture because she is very smiley.
This is the sidewalk outside of my house. I like this picture too for some reason...
A slightly more flattering picture of me... I painted that. :)
This is the picture that my sister and I call "close encounters of the third kind" because it looks like aliens are trying to pull my mom into their space ship.
When I try to take pictures of Andrew, he makes this face at me. It means "I swear if you point that camera at me one more time I will take it and throw it into the creek" in this specific scenario... we were hiking. Well, he was hiking and I was holding onto my walking stick for dear life.
This is one of the other doggies, Baxter. He's the oldest. They're all Welsh Corgis, if anyone knows what that is. They're adorable doggies...
I used to jump off of things. My friend Jane and I liked to go to the park by my house and take pictures of us jumping off of the picnic table. Never again...
This is cave graffiti! I love graffiti. There were so many people who left their mark there... al the way back to the 1800s and before. Even indians made markings on the walls of ash cave. Its incredible.
This is one of the water falls at Old Man's Cave in Hocking Hills State Park. I took this picture on the last tip we took there. I was exhausted by the end of our hike... Its probably one of the last times I'll ever hike there because its got basically 600 stairs no matter which way you tie the trails together. I'm going to miss it. I used to love hiking.
Well, there it is. A bunch of random pictures from my random life. :) Enjoy!!
caesura
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
future weight loss?
Well everyone, I've made a big decision. I'm going to lose weight.
I just don't know how to quite yet... The thing is, with Ehlers-Danlos being the way it is, most days I can barely walk. Aside from having really toned forearms from holding myself up on things for weeks I haven't been doing any exercise at all, and I won't until I start seeing Physical Therapists... But that would require the hospital actually having appointments open. So yeah.
That means my best bet is dieting. And I'm really terrible at that. And by really terrible, I mean diets that I try are ALWAYS colossal failures. And by colossal, I mean I stay on the diet for a week and then give up. Sounds pretty effective, right???
This isn't to say that I don't try, I just can't seem to stick with plans that deprive me of crackers and cereal. They're my lifeblood!!! Every "healthy" diet plan seems to do both of those things, so I just plain give up after I can't have my breakfast cereal and milk. I really do. It makes me sad to not have my favorite carbohydrate rich sugary wonderfull-ness packed mini-meals!
Anyway, I just felt the need to share with the world that I might maybe be trying to lose some weight.
My hip just did something loud and painful. Great. Its like a sign from a higher being that this weight loss thing is a phase that will last two days and then dissipate into me gorging on crackers and Ben & Jerry's because I failed again... I'll make sure to post if that happens because it would sure be unfortunate... That'll be a great way to make myself feel better! :)
Anyway, back to losing weight. I'm currently 150 lbs, so... my weight goal should be 125. Thats the healthy BMI indexed weight at my height, and maybe I can even build some muscle. But I really shouldn't get too optimistic... People like me don't do so great with traditional... uhh... walking? So much for cardio... And push ups? Lunges? As if. Uhh... Maybe if any fellow EDS'ers have experience in the area of weight loss they could help me out here a lil' bit? I'm kind of lost...
caesura
I just don't know how to quite yet... The thing is, with Ehlers-Danlos being the way it is, most days I can barely walk. Aside from having really toned forearms from holding myself up on things for weeks I haven't been doing any exercise at all, and I won't until I start seeing Physical Therapists... But that would require the hospital actually having appointments open. So yeah.
That means my best bet is dieting. And I'm really terrible at that. And by really terrible, I mean diets that I try are ALWAYS colossal failures. And by colossal, I mean I stay on the diet for a week and then give up. Sounds pretty effective, right???
This isn't to say that I don't try, I just can't seem to stick with plans that deprive me of crackers and cereal. They're my lifeblood!!! Every "healthy" diet plan seems to do both of those things, so I just plain give up after I can't have my breakfast cereal and milk. I really do. It makes me sad to not have my favorite carbohydrate rich sugary wonderfull-ness packed mini-meals!
Anyway, I just felt the need to share with the world that I might maybe be trying to lose some weight.
My hip just did something loud and painful. Great. Its like a sign from a higher being that this weight loss thing is a phase that will last two days and then dissipate into me gorging on crackers and Ben & Jerry's because I failed again... I'll make sure to post if that happens because it would sure be unfortunate... That'll be a great way to make myself feel better! :)
Anyway, back to losing weight. I'm currently 150 lbs, so... my weight goal should be 125. Thats the healthy BMI indexed weight at my height, and maybe I can even build some muscle. But I really shouldn't get too optimistic... People like me don't do so great with traditional... uhh... walking? So much for cardio... And push ups? Lunges? As if. Uhh... Maybe if any fellow EDS'ers have experience in the area of weight loss they could help me out here a lil' bit? I'm kind of lost...
caesura
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