i'm in the mood for story time, so here you go.
From about age 12 to age 18, I was one of those people that others rarely actually wanted to spend time around. not because i was particularly weird, (i was, but that didn't seem to be their reason...) or because i was rude, or anything like that at all.
for the longest time, i couldn't figure out what the problem was, and i let it kind of eat at me. of course i acted like it didn't bother me at all that i didn't really have friends, per se, i more had acquaintances at school. people who were fine spending time with me when i was there, and when there were school related activities, but who wouldn't dare be seen out in public with me outside of that school-related realm. i acted like it was completely fine, but it definitely bothered me.
and it bothered me up until about a week ago. and then i was at work, and i made a realization.
i used to take myself too seriously.
there, i said it. i did. that was the difference between me, and pretty much everyone else that i knew from the start of high school to graduation. and not only did i take myself too seriously, i took everything too seriously! not to say that it's bad to sometimes be serious about things, like getting a job, or starting a business - its definitely okay to be serious about those things. the problem comes in when you are serious about everything, to the point that you become dramatic.
i was definitely to that point.
because i took things so seriously, if something went wrong it was a serious matter instead of being something that i could a) laugh off, or b) easily remedy and go on with life. i mean, if i were to go back in time as the person that i am now, i wouldn't want to spend time with me either! i would probably want nothing to do with myself.
i have a particular co-worker to credit with this realization, but she will likely never read this. but if she does, she will know who she is.
since high school, i have learned that nothing is that big, including myself. maybe nuclear war-fare. you can't joke about that... its some serious stuff... but anyway - nothing is so big that you can't go forward. you can argue with me all you want, but that is what i have come to realize. if you take yourself so seriously that you can't function as a human being who makes mistakes and learns from them in a productive way then you should probably take a step back and think about whether you would like to continue the way that you're headed now. you may not notice it, but there are probably things going on around you because of your behavior that you don't want to continue.
so if my new puppy pees on the floor, i clean it up. that's the end of it. if i'm late to work because i was writing a blog post, i'll apologize and make sure i'm on time the next day - but i'm done with all of the dwelling, and the oh-so-serious nature of life getting me bogged down in piles and piles and piles of feelings and reactions and stresses that really don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.
i will, of course, sometimes catch myself in those thoughts, thinking those stressful things, but then i remember that it will all be okay, if i just take a freaking chill pill and figure out the most reasonable solution.
i think the most important part of this is that when i learned that the fate of the universe did NOT, in fact, rest on my shoulders (shocking, right?) i learned that i can actually be funny. i have a sense of humor! who knew...
the end.
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