i'm a fish, and we don't climb trees.

"If you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

I won't get in to whether or not I actually believe that this is something Einstein said, because I don't care. What I care about is that it's true. I don't mean that in the way that most people mean that though. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being unique and not judging books by their covers and accepting people for who they are and all that jazz, but that's just not specifically what I get out of this quote, so here's your context.

I sometimes complain. Sometimes I'm a really awful person to be around - shocking, I know. But everyone complains sometimes, because everyone has their own burden to carry. Some people are in debt, some people are in a rough relationship - it just so happens that I have a chronic pain disorder. Yay me. That's not the point though. The issue is, just because my complaining about my chronic pain is a different subject than you complaining about not being able to figure out what kind of car you want to buy when you get your tax return does NOT mean that you should lecture me about my kind of complaining because somehow mine is more annoying than yours. 

News flash. 

My complaining is more annoying to you than your complaining is to you because mine has nothing to do with your life. You could likely listen to yourself complain about your car purchasing troubles just as long as I could listen to myself complain about my dislocated ribs, because our own lives are far more interesting to us than the lives of those around us. I'm definitely not saying that's how things should be, it's just the reality. 

Everyone complains - if you don't I seriously envy your ability to let things roll off your shoulders. Really. Pass some of that patience over here. I could use it. But I'm willing to bet that you do complain, because every once and a while, everyone needs to let things out. Stuff builds up in a person and either you let that sit and fester and turn into something much bigger than it is, or you let those little things out when they happen and it makes us all a little easier to deal with in the end. At least that's my judgement of the whole thing, I could be wrong. It happens. 

But the point is, it will do no one in the situation any good to listen to (or give, for that matter) a lecture about how certain people (namely myself) just need to accept that "life is just the way it is" sometimes, and that you just need to "let things happen the way they happen. Pain happens, and you move on," obviously I just need to "Get over it." 

Pain happens?? It just gives me the urge to yell "Run Forest RUN" when people give me that cliché response. It's not just that generally the people saying it have no idea what I'm actually going through, it's mostly that I'm normally expecting a completely different response. When we complain (especially if the "we" here is referring to women) we generally don't want you to fix it. We don't want advice. We want you to say "Well that sucks... I'm sorry." and have that be the end of it. No one asked for a lecture. 

And maybe you didn't ask to hear me talk about how my knees are really killing me because the weather doesn't understand how to calm down, but you know what? I don't care what car you're getting when you get your tax return either. Do you hear me telling you about all the other, more useful things you could be doing with that money? Preaching to you about how many needy kids could be fed with that money? Nope. You don't. Am I thinking about telling you all of those things? Yup. But because that's not what you want to hear, I keep my mouth shut, and make up an imaginary scenario that is close to but not exactly what our actual conversation was about, so that I can put it on the internet and make myself feel a little better. (Hence perpetuating the cycle of complaints...)

If maybe we could all just judge the fish by their ability to swim and the birds by their ability to fly, then we would all be a little better off. Maybe we should stop holding ourselves to a lower standard than we hold those around us. Don't you think it might be a little bit easier for all of us if we gave people the benefit of the doubt? If we let people complain every once and a while? Loosened up? Said "Man, that sucks... I'm sorry," and just let people do what they need to do, even if it's a little bit annoying for all of about two minutes of your time? Can't you maybe, just maybe, give two minutes to help someone else feel just a little bit better about something they're going through? I'll try to do it for you too - promise.  

I'm a fish. I can't climb trees. I'm okay with that. 

I'm not asking you to be okay with it, I'm just asking you to respect that my swimming is just as relevant a mode of transportation as your climbing. Different does not equal lesser. 

Plus I'd probably dislocate something if I tried to climb trees anyway.