You want to know what I used to hate? I used to hate when people would tell me that parts of their college experience grew them as a person.
I didn't really know why I disliked it - it was more like the simple fact that a lot of the people who told me those things I knew for a fact spent a good deal of their time in college partying, and I didn't want to accept that their behaviors may, or may not have actually grown them as a person.
Well anyway, I just had this really weird moment where I realized, I've grown a lot as a person. I don't know whether that is something that people regularly actively think about, but I've been working on a project with Justin that I will soon be sharing here, and it's definitely taught me a lot about my own nature.
I like to control things. That's something I have to work to not let get in my way, and every one else's. Sometimes, the most beautiful things happen when you let go of that control and just let stuff happen.
The interaction that I got all of this from is a lot less profound than the explanation I just gave, but it's true. Sometimes you just have to let things go, and see what happens. Maybe you'll be surprised. I was.
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Friday, March 14, 2014
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I have discovered the wonders of instagram of late. Seriously. It's wonderful. I can do ALL KINDS OF THINGS with pictures, and then show them to the world! Not to mention the fact that a whole lot more people are interested in instagram than look at my blog... So there's that.
Also there are SO many different photographers who put their stuff on instagram. It's like, crazy.
But in other news, I'm stressed out. This is simply because I have all kinds of things that I have to get done, and not enough time to do them, so I'm using my blog as an excuse to do *none* of the things that I should be doing right now. So I should probably finish this post quickly and get back to studying for my midterm exam that I have tonight that I will inevitably fail... Not excited about that one, if you didn't notice that by the use of the phrase "inevitably fail".
Well anyway, I shall say an early goodbye to the internet, and go back to studying.
Goodbye internet...
Brie
Also there are SO many different photographers who put their stuff on instagram. It's like, crazy.
But in other news, I'm stressed out. This is simply because I have all kinds of things that I have to get done, and not enough time to do them, so I'm using my blog as an excuse to do *none* of the things that I should be doing right now. So I should probably finish this post quickly and get back to studying for my midterm exam that I have tonight that I will inevitably fail... Not excited about that one, if you didn't notice that by the use of the phrase "inevitably fail".
Well anyway, I shall say an early goodbye to the internet, and go back to studying.
Goodbye internet...
Brie
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
connecticut
Sometimes I question that there is a reason for everything - this past Friday was one of those times.
I truly, truly believe that everything happens for a reason, but there are some things that I just can't fathom there being a reason for. I mean, goodness gracious, they were children. And I keep reading everywhere out here on the internets about how this man was mentally ill, and I read about gun control legislation, and I read about things that could, or could not have prevented this tragedy, and all of it makes me want to cry.
Know why?
Because as Americans, instead of stepping back and taking a collective mental moment of silence for all of those innocent lives that were lost to the hands of a single man, we talk about mental illness. And gun control. And then when President Obama speaks about this tragedy we accuse him of pushing policy. As Americans, in our little busy bubble, we generally don't know how to slow down, and think about things.
I'm just as guilty as everyone else, unfortunately. When I heard about what happened my mind automatically filled with thoughts about the restrictions the government could have set that would have prevented this event from happening, whether those things would have worked or whether they wouldn't have - the thing is, there needn't be an argument about what could have prevented this. It can no longer be prevented, and unless the discussions about "what could have prevented it" include inventing a time machine, I believe that they need to stop. I'm not trying to be offensive when I say this, but the fact is, it doesn't matter what could have prevented this. It matters what WILL prevent these things in the future. It matters what changes will be made to prevent what happened to all of those children from happening again, to other innocent kids.
It matters what changes will be made to more parents from losing their children.
It matters what changes will be made to make students feel safe in their schools.
It matters what changes will be made to make parents feel safe sending their kids there in the first place.
We need to remember this event, and we need to remember those who were lost, but we CANNOT focus our attention on what COULD have prevented this. We need to focus on moving forward, on what WILL prevent these things in the future.
And these are, of course, just the random musings of a girl who knows very little about gun control policy, or conceal carry licensing, or regulations about guns in schools, but there is an elementary school just down the street from my house. I went there; it's so close that I walked. Every afternoon when I'm on my way home from my high school, I pass those kids getting on their busses. This little mob of 6 year olds trail up the steps and onto this big yellow machine, and they're all smiling carrying backpacks with spongebob and hello kitty on them. Each of those kids is going home to parents, or grandparents, who would be devastated if something like this were to happen to their children. They would be devastated, their family would have a rift in it.
Every day since Friday, every time I see a kid with their mom, or walking home from school, or getting off the bus, I pray. I say a prayer for every family who lost a child that day, every family who KNEW one of the children who died that day, every family who knew a family who lost someone. Because I know that if it were my family, I wouldn't care about gun control. I wouldn't care about mental illness. I would care about Grace McDonnell. And Jesse Lewis. I would care about my CHILD.
So I think everyone needs to take a step back. They need to take a moment, and not think about guns. They need to think about those children, and how to make sure that this doesn't happen to other children, to other families.
Brie
I truly, truly believe that everything happens for a reason, but there are some things that I just can't fathom there being a reason for. I mean, goodness gracious, they were children. And I keep reading everywhere out here on the internets about how this man was mentally ill, and I read about gun control legislation, and I read about things that could, or could not have prevented this tragedy, and all of it makes me want to cry.
Know why?
Because as Americans, instead of stepping back and taking a collective mental moment of silence for all of those innocent lives that were lost to the hands of a single man, we talk about mental illness. And gun control. And then when President Obama speaks about this tragedy we accuse him of pushing policy. As Americans, in our little busy bubble, we generally don't know how to slow down, and think about things.
I'm just as guilty as everyone else, unfortunately. When I heard about what happened my mind automatically filled with thoughts about the restrictions the government could have set that would have prevented this event from happening, whether those things would have worked or whether they wouldn't have - the thing is, there needn't be an argument about what could have prevented this. It can no longer be prevented, and unless the discussions about "what could have prevented it" include inventing a time machine, I believe that they need to stop. I'm not trying to be offensive when I say this, but the fact is, it doesn't matter what could have prevented this. It matters what WILL prevent these things in the future. It matters what changes will be made to prevent what happened to all of those children from happening again, to other innocent kids.
It matters what changes will be made to more parents from losing their children.
It matters what changes will be made to make students feel safe in their schools.
It matters what changes will be made to make parents feel safe sending their kids there in the first place.
We need to remember this event, and we need to remember those who were lost, but we CANNOT focus our attention on what COULD have prevented this. We need to focus on moving forward, on what WILL prevent these things in the future.
And these are, of course, just the random musings of a girl who knows very little about gun control policy, or conceal carry licensing, or regulations about guns in schools, but there is an elementary school just down the street from my house. I went there; it's so close that I walked. Every afternoon when I'm on my way home from my high school, I pass those kids getting on their busses. This little mob of 6 year olds trail up the steps and onto this big yellow machine, and they're all smiling carrying backpacks with spongebob and hello kitty on them. Each of those kids is going home to parents, or grandparents, who would be devastated if something like this were to happen to their children. They would be devastated, their family would have a rift in it.
Every day since Friday, every time I see a kid with their mom, or walking home from school, or getting off the bus, I pray. I say a prayer for every family who lost a child that day, every family who KNEW one of the children who died that day, every family who knew a family who lost someone. Because I know that if it were my family, I wouldn't care about gun control. I wouldn't care about mental illness. I would care about Grace McDonnell. And Jesse Lewis. I would care about my CHILD.
So I think everyone needs to take a step back. They need to take a moment, and not think about guns. They need to think about those children, and how to make sure that this doesn't happen to other children, to other families.
Brie
Thursday, November 29, 2012
refusing to conform to social norms, and other things I shouldn't do
Hello internet.
Have I explained my biggest dilemma to you yet? Probably not... I've been having this problem. You see, it's about time for me to go to college, and become a real person. You know, the kind who lives on their own, and makes their own decisions, and does stuff like a real person does. And here I am, seventeen, thinking I know everything in the world... Well, not really that last part. That's whats so scary about it all.
I know exactly what I want to do. It's so painfully simple. I want to get meet someone amazing, fall in love with them, get married, have tiny people, raise them, cook dinners, clean the kitchen, end up with rowdy grandkids who drive me crazy, and die. That's it. I have no further aspirations. I mean, sure, it would be great to go to the moon, or publish a book, or record a record, or make some huge difference in the lives of other people, but the thing is, I don't really want to do those things. They're extras. The core of what I want out of life is to have a family, love them, for them to love me, teach them, be a parent, and then watch them live their lives and be successful at what they want to be successful at. If that's being a housewife, then that's what it is.
The problem here is the fact that nobody I explain this to understands. And not only do they not understand, they don't care. And you know what? That's not it either, because even if they DO care, they think I'm crazy! They look at me, and instead of seeing a person with feelings and aspirations of the life that they want to have, they see someone with what they all call "potential". They look at this walking pile of "potential" and say "Woah! We should send that potential to Harvard, or Stanford, Or Berkley, or Georgetown!" That's where all that potential belongs... Well, I think they're wrong. It drives me crazy.
I'm not potential.
And you know what? I didn't ASK to have all this "potential" now, did I? I mean goodness gracious... before I was born, I didn't sit down with God and have some conversation where I told Him "Hey. I'd really like to have an intellect so huge that the average person can see all the extra leaking out my ears when I walk down the street. I want my intelligence to be so darn obvious that no matter which way you look at me you see it, and you can't ignore it! I want to be able to do everything and anything! ...Oh, what's that? If you're going to be that smart you can't have legs that work? Oh well. That's fine. I'll take intellect over athletic ability." I didn't do that. (Nor did I intend to be that snarky a second ago... Oh well.)
My point is, I didn't ask for these cards, they're just the ones that I got. And while half of the people that I have ever talked to sit and tell me about how much potential I have and what a waste it would be for me to go into a field where I don't use it, or what a tragedy it would be for me to not use my skills for the benefit of the general population, or what a shame it will be if I don't grow up to be a neurosurgeon, or a nuclear-physicist, I'm sitting here telling the internet what a shame I feel it is for me to be forced to choose a career path and then be unhappy with my choice for the rest of my life. And by that I don't mean unhappy with what I picked, I mean unhappy that I chose to have a career in the first place.
I don't want to ruin my own future. That's not what I'm trying to do, no matter what it looks like to you. I just want to make it what I want it to be.
Is that so hard to understand?
Is it really that difficult to grasp that some people have a different definition for success than the commonly accepted social standard? It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be hard at all, but apparently it is. It's asking people to step out of their own heads for a moment, and put themselves in my shoes. Asking them to try to understand what it means to be me. What it means to be someone with goals that are just a little different than everyone elses. Just a little smaller. Just a little... humbler. Modest.
My goals are the goals that I've had since I was a kid... I was always afraid to tell anyone. And now that I've told everyone close to me, and gotten a negative response from (almost) all of them... well now I'm going to effectively tell the world.
Not that anyone actually reads my little musings, this is mostly to make me feel better about myself.
But anyway, I guess maybe I'm just hoping that someone with the same feelings reads this somewhere and goes, "Hey. Maybe I'm not alone." I dunno... Maybe that's unrealistic of me. Oh well.
I tried.
Have I explained my biggest dilemma to you yet? Probably not... I've been having this problem. You see, it's about time for me to go to college, and become a real person. You know, the kind who lives on their own, and makes their own decisions, and does stuff like a real person does. And here I am, seventeen, thinking I know everything in the world... Well, not really that last part. That's whats so scary about it all.
I know exactly what I want to do. It's so painfully simple. I want to get meet someone amazing, fall in love with them, get married, have tiny people, raise them, cook dinners, clean the kitchen, end up with rowdy grandkids who drive me crazy, and die. That's it. I have no further aspirations. I mean, sure, it would be great to go to the moon, or publish a book, or record a record, or make some huge difference in the lives of other people, but the thing is, I don't really want to do those things. They're extras. The core of what I want out of life is to have a family, love them, for them to love me, teach them, be a parent, and then watch them live their lives and be successful at what they want to be successful at. If that's being a housewife, then that's what it is.
The problem here is the fact that nobody I explain this to understands. And not only do they not understand, they don't care. And you know what? That's not it either, because even if they DO care, they think I'm crazy! They look at me, and instead of seeing a person with feelings and aspirations of the life that they want to have, they see someone with what they all call "potential". They look at this walking pile of "potential" and say "Woah! We should send that potential to Harvard, or Stanford, Or Berkley, or Georgetown!" That's where all that potential belongs... Well, I think they're wrong. It drives me crazy.
I'm not potential.
And you know what? I didn't ASK to have all this "potential" now, did I? I mean goodness gracious... before I was born, I didn't sit down with God and have some conversation where I told Him "Hey. I'd really like to have an intellect so huge that the average person can see all the extra leaking out my ears when I walk down the street. I want my intelligence to be so darn obvious that no matter which way you look at me you see it, and you can't ignore it! I want to be able to do everything and anything! ...Oh, what's that? If you're going to be that smart you can't have legs that work? Oh well. That's fine. I'll take intellect over athletic ability." I didn't do that. (Nor did I intend to be that snarky a second ago... Oh well.)
My point is, I didn't ask for these cards, they're just the ones that I got. And while half of the people that I have ever talked to sit and tell me about how much potential I have and what a waste it would be for me to go into a field where I don't use it, or what a tragedy it would be for me to not use my skills for the benefit of the general population, or what a shame it will be if I don't grow up to be a neurosurgeon, or a nuclear-physicist, I'm sitting here telling the internet what a shame I feel it is for me to be forced to choose a career path and then be unhappy with my choice for the rest of my life. And by that I don't mean unhappy with what I picked, I mean unhappy that I chose to have a career in the first place.
I don't want to ruin my own future. That's not what I'm trying to do, no matter what it looks like to you. I just want to make it what I want it to be.
Is that so hard to understand?
Is it really that difficult to grasp that some people have a different definition for success than the commonly accepted social standard? It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be hard at all, but apparently it is. It's asking people to step out of their own heads for a moment, and put themselves in my shoes. Asking them to try to understand what it means to be me. What it means to be someone with goals that are just a little different than everyone elses. Just a little smaller. Just a little... humbler. Modest.
My goals are the goals that I've had since I was a kid... I was always afraid to tell anyone. And now that I've told everyone close to me, and gotten a negative response from (almost) all of them... well now I'm going to effectively tell the world.
Not that anyone actually reads my little musings, this is mostly to make me feel better about myself.
But anyway, I guess maybe I'm just hoping that someone with the same feelings reads this somewhere and goes, "Hey. Maybe I'm not alone." I dunno... Maybe that's unrealistic of me. Oh well.
I tried.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
figured i'd catch y'all up...
Well internet, I got really bored today.
I have about a million things to catch you up on, since my last post which I'm pretty sure was months ago but I didn't have a chance to check before I just went ahead and started typing this run on sentence.
So anyway. I'll just make a bullet list.
I have about a million things to catch you up on, since my last post which I'm pretty sure was months ago but I didn't have a chance to check before I just went ahead and started typing this run on sentence.
So anyway. I'll just make a bullet list.
- I started ignoring my physical therapist.
- I started running.
- I'm falling behind in school a bit.
- Speech and Debate has become pretty darn stressful if I do say so myself...
- I've taken up charcoal drawing.
Well.... Let's start at the top and just go through them? Yeah? Cool.
I started ignoring my physical therapist. I kind of pretty much decided that the exercises that she gave me were terrible and they weren't helping at all, so I gave up on that. I stopped them, and started doing real normal human being exercises. You know, the kind that actually help build muscle and improve your metabolism and make you all pretty and such. And honestly, so far so good. I mean, I've been feeling better, I have more energy, I have less dislocations and more time. I really like all of the changes I've been making... Oh! Did I mention in my little bullet list that I'm a vegetarian? Forgot that one. Yeah. I'm a vegetarian. It's pretty great. I feel better, have more energy... It's that and all the exercises that I love doing, really. Smoothies are wonderful. Just sayin'.
I started running - That's a big one. I really loved to run before I was diagnosed with EDS. Running was one of those things that I did when I was stressed or when I felt bored, or when I felt anything really. I was a runner. Runners run. But obviously, knowing the nature of EDS I wasn't able to run anymore when the PT told me what I needed to be doing and what I needed to NOT be doing, and then when I started ignoring my PT I started ignoring all of those rules, and a runner was born. Or re-born... However you want to look at it. Now I do at least 2 miles at a time, almost every day.
I've started getting bad headaches and that's what's been keeping me behind in school. I don't know why they started really, and I kind of miss them when they creep up, so by the time they're full blown nuclear wars inside my skull I'm in the middle of a Stats test and I can't really do anything about it. In short, it sucks. One time, I got a really bad one, and I went to bed at 6:00 in the evening and didn't wake up until 6:00 the next morning. I'm pretty sure that's the most sleep I'd gotten all in a row for months...
Speech and Debate... Oh goodness. I don't even know where to start with that one... It's driving me crazy. Plus competitions are on the Sabbath, and that's not helping because I should be at church on the Sabbath... Ugh. Can you tell I'm getting flustered? I am. Lots. Lots flustered. Flustered enough that I'm leaving that obvious grammatical error in the last sentence. Anyway. I actually got 8th of 106 in my category of competition at the Glennbrooks speech and debate tournament, which is kind of a big deal for those of you who don't know much about high school speech and debate in the National Forensics League. (So technically I'm a member of the NFL... )
Well, the last thing that I have right now is the fact that I have taken up charcoal drawing. I thought that I needed another outlet, something to do with some of my pent-up creative STUFF, so I decided to draw. Most of them are actually with my art teacher at school right now, because I cut the matts for them on... Yesterday. On yesterday. It's been a long day, if you couldn't tell...
She's okay - Not my favorite. I kind of imagine that she's listening to something on the other side of that doorway.
She looked really surprised until I fixed her eyes.
This was the first one I ever did. I like it. It's also pretty big, like three feet by 4 and a half.
This pic is terrible, sorry about that. It was taken by my ipod, and it wasn't taken this close up either... Oh well.
This one looked a whole lot like me until I messed up the eyes.
These last two are my favorite - I actually did this one yesterday. Just a day... This pic isn't great either, but you get the idea.
She's my favorite. I have no idea who she is. That's what I like so much.
Let's see.... There has to be something that I'm missing when it comes to catching you up... But in the meantime, how bout y'all watch this. It's the best thing ever in the history of everything. No really.
Brie
Thursday, August 23, 2012
senior pics and the failure of an architect...
Hello internet. :) I have a few video posts that I'm working on getting up here from several days ago... I just don't know if I like a vlog format or not yet. Anyway.
I figured since I did some more senior pics of myself I would go ahead and post them because they're really fun.
This one is my favorite in this batch... I think I'm going to do another set before I get them printed.
They turned out really well I think.
In other news, I got my ring splints, and my new wheelchair. I love both things. :) My ring splints are amazing, because they really help with everything... The chair is wonderful because its compact, and light, and it makes my life a whole lot easier. :)
The unfortunate thing is when I use it at school, some of the time I don't even really need it. The reason that I use it so much is preventative. Sometimes at my school the people in the halls can be really rude, and by that I mean they will run into you for no good reason and push you down and then you fall backwards spin around and land on your kneecap, dislocating it. Not that something like that happened to me... freshman year... I'm not bitter.
But yeah. So some of my wheel-y chair use is really because I would much rather not be run into and dislocate things. Its just easier, unless I'm trying to get back from the Manchester building. You see, some designer a long time ago decided it was a really good idea to put a second building on my school, and not attach it to the main campus. The second building is called the Manchester building, and there is a road, a parking lot, and an onning that separate it from the actual school. It takes about 1/4 of a mile to get there walking. The problem herein lies that the someone who decided it was a good idea to put a California style school in the Midwest forgot that it snows. A lot. And there are kids in wheelchairs that will eventually have to wheel themselves through the snow. So yeah. This is NOT my happy face right now... And just you wait. It gets worse!!
You know how there are laws that govern things like how steep wheelchair ramps are supposed to be? Well there are. And those regulations say that wheelchair ramps in Ohio should be a 1 inch rise to 12 inch run ratio. Which is about barely sloped. So at my school there is this ramp, and its pretty much the steepest ramp I've ever seen that wasn't in a skating park, and it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to roll yourself up the damn thing. You end up getting stuck, and then you realize that you can't go up any further without tearing the skin off of your hands, and then at that point, you realize that you can't really move because if you do you'll tip backwards... Its a very delicate balance and no matter how you do it none of the methods end in being at the top of the ramp in the hallway that everyone has to go down to get ANYWHERE in the school. Can you tell I'm more than a little bit miffed by this predicament that I've been in multiple times? Every day I have to wait for some kind soul to walk out of the adjacent bathrooms and hope that whoever it is is having a really generous day, and that they can take three minutes out of it to push my chair. Anyway...
Gabrielle
I figured since I did some more senior pics of myself I would go ahead and post them because they're really fun.
This one is my favorite in this batch... I think I'm going to do another set before I get them printed.
They turned out really well I think.
In other news, I got my ring splints, and my new wheelchair. I love both things. :) My ring splints are amazing, because they really help with everything... The chair is wonderful because its compact, and light, and it makes my life a whole lot easier. :)
The unfortunate thing is when I use it at school, some of the time I don't even really need it. The reason that I use it so much is preventative. Sometimes at my school the people in the halls can be really rude, and by that I mean they will run into you for no good reason and push you down and then you fall backwards spin around and land on your kneecap, dislocating it. Not that something like that happened to me... freshman year... I'm not bitter.
But yeah. So some of my wheel-y chair use is really because I would much rather not be run into and dislocate things. Its just easier, unless I'm trying to get back from the Manchester building. You see, some designer a long time ago decided it was a really good idea to put a second building on my school, and not attach it to the main campus. The second building is called the Manchester building, and there is a road, a parking lot, and an onning that separate it from the actual school. It takes about 1/4 of a mile to get there walking. The problem herein lies that the someone who decided it was a good idea to put a California style school in the Midwest forgot that it snows. A lot. And there are kids in wheelchairs that will eventually have to wheel themselves through the snow. So yeah. This is NOT my happy face right now... And just you wait. It gets worse!!
You know how there are laws that govern things like how steep wheelchair ramps are supposed to be? Well there are. And those regulations say that wheelchair ramps in Ohio should be a 1 inch rise to 12 inch run ratio. Which is about barely sloped. So at my school there is this ramp, and its pretty much the steepest ramp I've ever seen that wasn't in a skating park, and it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to roll yourself up the damn thing. You end up getting stuck, and then you realize that you can't go up any further without tearing the skin off of your hands, and then at that point, you realize that you can't really move because if you do you'll tip backwards... Its a very delicate balance and no matter how you do it none of the methods end in being at the top of the ramp in the hallway that everyone has to go down to get ANYWHERE in the school. Can you tell I'm more than a little bit miffed by this predicament that I've been in multiple times? Every day I have to wait for some kind soul to walk out of the adjacent bathrooms and hope that whoever it is is having a really generous day, and that they can take three minutes out of it to push my chair. Anyway...
Gabrielle
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