pots...

Today I got up, limped to school, and sat in class staring blankly at my teachers paying NO attention. Then about halfway through my day, I realized that I felt clammy and shaky and TERRIBLE. So I decided that maybe I should check my heart rate. It was 110 bpm. Resting. Thats bad. I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, but when a young woman's resting heart rate in a perfectly calm environment is 110 bpm I think thats a problem. I honestly felt like I was going to pass out. It wasn't a great feeling, as you can imagine... or not... I hope you can't relate to that feeling. Really I do. :)


That whole heart rate thing is related to something I haven't yet been diagnosed with- Postural Orthopedic Tachycardia Syndrome. The docs think I have it, but I haven't been diagnosed yet. Thats next... The acronym is "POTS". Kinda fun, right? POTS and EDS... and PMS... which all have an S at the end. Weird. 


Anyway, yesterday I couldn't go to school and I missed another test in my AP Chemistry class. Thats the fourth one I've missed because of being sick, and I've missed even more than that in my other AP classes. It just gets complicated, because for example, yesterday I felt like I was made out of really poorly mixed Jello. It was terrible. You know how sometimes Jello will have like, a pocket of powder somewhere, or the heavy jello will sink to the bottom? Thats what I felt like. I felt like heavy over-dense-ified Jello. It was terrible... 


Its hard to deal with slowly falling apart. I'm 16, and I can't even walk down a hallway at my school without three people looking at me funny and asking if I'm okay. People I don't even know, and they know that something is wrong, even though I look fine physically on the outside. There isn't a cast, or a boot, but I limp. I have decent looking legs, but I'm sometimes found in the hallway sitting on the floor because I can't walk any further and have to sit down. Its upsetting to me. Even on days that I walk fine I use the elevator for fear that the stairs will sublux my hip and I won't be able to walk the rest of the day. 


My mom actually found this really great video about EDS that you can watch on Youtube, Its called Kristin Means - Life with EDS (Thats a link, Which I just learned how to do!!) And I really agree with some of what she has to say. There isn't a moment in my life where I don't think about Ehlers, and it is a drastic change to my lifestyle... VERY drastic. Not to mention the cool Ehlers finger braces she has. I got to get me some of those... :) 


caesura