labels

Today was a lazy day for me - I had a paper to write and a lot of homework to get done, so I lounged around the house all day. Of course, that didn't keep Ehlers from butting in every once and a while. On my way to the bathroom I subluxed SOMETHING under my knee... I still don't know what it was, but man did it hurt. Honestly- have you ever tried to get out of a cross-legged position on the floor and realized that both of your hips were out of alignment? Its no fun. Trust me.


It really gets to me sometimes. You know that feeling you get when you can't decide whether something is in your head or not? That's the feeling I have all of the time. Its like I know that I'm in pain, and I know that I have a diagnosed problem, but sometimes I just think to myself "Come on, is it really that bad?" It is. It is really that bad, but when you live in a world with normal teenagers, and normal students who don't know what its like to fear pain with every step they take, sometimes you succumb to the feeling that maybe things aren't what you think they are, and maybe you are really normal even though there are fifteen doctors who would tell you otherwise. Maybe the pain is all in your head and you're just a clumsy, easily bruised, loose jointed, person. None of that "Diagnosis" crap, just a person.


Its so easy to become a label... Disabled. Crippled. Fragile. They're easy to "become". After a while, you start laughing about it, but really it still upsets you. You just don't know how to SAY that it upsets you.


My knee hurts. Anyway.


Its just difficult sometimes to get away from feeling like diagnosis's define me, because I know that I define me, but I am disabled, and I am fragile. Its not as if those things aren't true, because they are. So why is getting over that so difficult?


Caesura