Saturday, December 21, 2013

paranoia

At midnight I was on my way home from work in the middle of a huge thunder storm, and I was basically halfway home, and suddenly I had the worst feeling. You know that feeling you get when someone is watching you, or when something bad is about to happen? That semi-premonition-like feeling, that feels like something icky is crawling on the back of your neck? Yeah. That feeling. 

So I called my sister to check and make sure that she was okay, and that the basement wasn't flooding, and that the dogs were all okay, and she basically told me to shut up and calm down. Then she decided to "help" by telling me that someone was totally following me/watching me and I got even more freaked out. Yay. So then I called my mom, who didn't answer because she is out of town, which doesn't make me feel any better about the pre-disaster feeling I have. Then I called my boyfriend, who was sleeping, and I left a message on his phone. I will probably be paranoid about that one until he calls me. 

So then I decided that maybe the trash in my room and bathroom was bothering me, so I went and threw everything away and cleaned some things, and that wasn't it either. 

So THEN I decided that maybe I could distract myself with the internet until I fell asleep, but that didn't work either, so I re-did my whole blog, thinking that might do something, but I'm still sitting here not sleeping, typing frantically. I have no clue what is causing this feeling, but it's going to drive me insane. I'm so glad that I don't have to go to work as early as I thought that I did, because if I had to be there at 7:15 in the morning I wouldn't be able to do anything all day. 

So I can't figure out what is going on, and I have no clue how I'm supposed to go to sleep if I feel this way. I'll just lay there in bed and toss and turn imagining terrible things. Aren't there anxiety medications for these things?